The enemy crouches ready, each troop armed with every weapon they can manage. The first strike is imminent; a clash inevitable. They've awaited it for hours, plotting their tactics and sure that, this time, they will emerge from the fray victorious!
But the General is aware of their evil plan, and knows the location where they lie in wait. He also knows they are expecting him to come from the West. And he is ready.
The General is unarmed, and vastly outnumbered, and yet he charges courageously into the battle... From the North! A brilliant offensive move! The enemy is sufficiently surprised, and in the ensuing confusion, the General wrests weapons from one of the troops. They fall back to regroup!
The battle is on! I sit hunkered here before my computer, hoping to escape the din. Thunder sounds over my head, the missiles fly, and shrieks pierce the evening as they hit their target with precision.
This is no ordinary battle.
This is Saturday Night Pillow Fight With Daddy.
The General advances his attack. Oof! One of them blind-sides him with a sofa pillow! No fear, he quickly recovers. Children dive behind the beds as he takes aim, but this time the pillow just barely swipes a blonde head. He is unarmed again and, seeing his disadvantage, the troops advance once more... The littlest one latches onto his leg, wanting to be picked up. This puts The General at further disadvantage! Will he succumb to the barrage of pillows and fall to the ground, vulnerable to the enemy's notorious Deadly Dog Pile?
My ears strain to hear any signs that would tell the outcome. What's that? They are coming down the stairs! They are sure to discover me here, hiding out with the computer.
But they wouldn't attack a pregnant mama... Would they?