Sometimes it seems that these two ideals are in direct opposition. We read about the industriousness of the Proverbs 31 woman, and there is also the New-Testament exhortation for wives to be submissive, meek and quiet. Can one woman be both capable and lady-like?
Once my sweet hubby was gone to the States for a month. Our drinking water comes in these big, heavy bottles that must be lifted and set, upside-down, onto the dispenser. While he was gone, I had to figure out how to do this by myself without spilling water all over the kitchen! I did it daily for weeks.
When he returned, I tended to continue my new habit, but my sweet husband insisted, "Here, let me do that," so of course I let him. With his big strong arms, it's a lot easier a task for him than it is for me! And he loves it that I depend on him.
While it is sometimes necessary for a woman to do heavy-duty jobs around the house, I think the norm should be that she allow her man to do it, assuming he is capable and willing to. (And I've never met a man who wouldn't be more than willing, given a little praise and gratitude :o)
On the other hand, it is right for a woman to think about her hard-working husband, and provide him a peaceful, orderly atmosphere to come home to, instead of greeting him at the door with a "Honey-Do" list. There are many repairs and such that she can learn to do herself.
While we women are certainly capable of doing many things that might be considered "man's work", it is feminine and lady-like to allow the man to do them when he is present, and only flex our muscles around the house when he's not home.
And thus we find the balance between Capable Woman, and Graceful Lady.